I have been really grumpy lately. Pretty much about everything. I’m angry at my manager for not honoring my resignation date and making me find someone to cover my last two shifts. I’m irritated with my professors for not being on top of our HUGE project and setting us up for colossal frustration. I’m even mad at my pimples that won’t leave me alone after eighteen years and three rounds of accutane. Lately I’ve become the master of finding something to bitch about.
I could use the excuse of my husband not being here for the past nine months, or working two jobs and going to school full time, or even the impending change of weather. Still, what it really boils down to is the fact that I don’t take care of myself. I spend every waking moment working, studying, sleeping, and eating. I haven’t allowed time for socializing, relaxing, exercising, or cooking. Despite what I preach about slowing down and taking life as it comes, I’ve been hypocritically running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
Today I finally took a “mental health” day and didn’t go to my clinical. It has been eight straight days of work/school, and I need to catch my breath. As I sit here at Caribou coffee in my puke green velour sweat suit sipping my non-fat pumpkin latte, I have a lot to be thankful for. Great coffee, time to write, a cozy place to keep dry from the rain. I fear that if I don’t slow down, I’ll become so inwardly focused and angry at the world. THEN what’s the point of everything I’m striving for? I can’t serve others without first caring for myself.
Love yourself first, and everything else falls in line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. – Lucille Ball
